"I should not talk so much about myself if there were any body else whom I knew as well."
-Henry David Thoreau

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Stepford?

Drew worked from home yesterday.  Like I’ve said before, even though he stays super busy, just knowing he is in the house is nice.  He finished up work by 5:45 and then I went shopping.  He and Alex had a quiet evening together, which I’m sure they both loved.  Cheryl reminded me about Cato, a clothing store here in Siloam.  I’ve never had any luck there, but figured it was worth a try.  Guess what?  I totally found three dresses!  Three great dresses that fit!  I couldn’t believe it.  Of course, I probably tried on  12 dresses total.  Still, finding three that fit and I loved was pretty great. 

Want to know something else that made me happy?  All three dresses are a size 12.  That’s an awesome thing considering that I’ve lost little to no weight in my last five months of exercising.  The awesome thing about this is that 165 pounds used to mean a size 14.  Now 165 pounds means a size 12.  Having some tangible proof that my body is reshaping is very encouraging.  I think the reason that I’m not seeing lower numbers on the scale is because I’m building muscle.  This all amounts to one thing… weight is not always the best measurement of success.  I’ve known this, but it’s good to have a personal reminder.  

Oh my, I can’t believe that I just told you all how much I weigh.  Well, I did and I’m not going to edit it out because I’m working on not being ashamed.  It’s a number.  So what?  I know that I feel physically and mentally healthier than I did last fall.  I do feel stronger.  I do feel happier.  And… I feel much more pleased with my body in a new dress.  These things can’t be measured with a scale or tape measure… they are measured by the good mood I was in last night after my shopping trip. 

Next on the list of shopping… shoes.  Someday I would really love to have a pair of Christian Louboutin heels.  They have fabulous read soles and they are simply stunning.  However, they are also VERY expensive.  I’m talking a monthly mortgage payment expensive.  Let’s rationalize this… I was able to find three great dresses for our evenings in Florida next month for only $115.  I could have easily spent $100 or more on each dress somewhere else.  Cheryl loaned me a dress that completes my need for evening wear.  I could take the difference between what I had budgeted and what i actually spent and put that toward the shoes.  I could, but I could also put that money to something else that is much more important.  Drew is actually trying to talk me into considering the purchase, but I just don’t think I can do it.  Just the thought of it seems absurd.  The only way that this scenario could play out rationally is if the mortgage company would accept a photo of my new shoes as a monthly payment.  Do you think they would go for that?  No.  Me either.  I’m sticking with my original shoe budget.  I’ll still look hot and I won’t feel sick to my stomach every time I open my closet and remember how much I spent on those shoes. 

My swim suits arrived a few days ago.  One of them is perfect, the other is sort of a bummer.  No big deal.  I can keep the one I like and send the other one back.  I consider the gamble of online swim suit shopping a success. 

I’m feeling the need for a great hat to wear on the beach and on the boat when we are in Florida.  The problem is that I have to be able to get that great hat there without squashing it in our luggage.  Hmm…

As you may have gathered, I’m feeling more excited about this trip and less anxious over it.  Want to know what really turned it around for me?  One, my friend Peg sent me an article about what to wear for such occasions.  Two, I realized that as long as I’m not dressed inappropriately, I can wear whatever I want.  I realized that I’m Mandy and not a Stepford wife clone.  Not only is that okay, it’s awesome.  Who wants to be a Stepford wife anyway?  Not this girl.  Oh, this journey of learning to love Mandy… it’s pretty great.  

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