Well, chalk last night up to another anxious night of trying to sleep. What’s the deal? Never mind, I’m pretty sure I know the deal.
Did you know that I even did this as a teenager? My mom & dad would probably be able to give you instances from even earlier in my childhood, but I recall the teenager incidents more clearly. Oh wait, I do remember a similar instance from my childhood. I must have been 11 or 12 and I recall being up all night long the night before the first day of school. It wasn’t necessarily panic, just restlessness and anxiety over the coming day. As for my teenage years, any kind of stress could produce similar feelings. Prom? I threw up that morning at the beauty salon. Well, I made it to the bathroom, I didn’t actually throw up on the stylist. Tests? I was probably having actual anxiety attacks, though I didn’t recognize it then. I’m just an anxious girl, y’all. Good stress, bad stress, it doesn’t matter. Stress is stress and my body has always reacted severely to it.
The difference between teenage Mandy and 33 year old Mandy is that 33 year old Mandy is aware. I do believe there is power in that knowledge.
So, last night was restless and full of weird dreams. I would really like someone to just knock me out and let me rest without thought for 10 hours. My restless night of sleep didn’t bode well for waking up to an Alex who was soaking wet from a leaky pull up. I decided to just strip her down and take her straight to the shower. Such tasks should really never have to happen before the coffee has been made and enjoyed. Regardless, Alex is fresh and clean and her bed now needs to be stripped and washed. Again. That kind of sucks because I did a million loads of laundry yesterday and was finally caught up.
Note: Rational Mandy is thankful for all the pee. It means that Alex’s body is working properly. Wet sheets can be washed, stinky Alex can be showered and my coffee was even more appreciated once those chores were done.
I think we all know that Rational Mandy sometimes gets overshadowed by Crazy Mandy. This would be a great time for Carrie’s invention of Valium Air Freshener. Shake that aerosol can, spray generously, inhale deeply, feel better. Now that I think about it, Valium air freshener could serve two purposes… helping everyone relax and eliminating the smell of urine. Even if it didn’t eliminate the pee smell, maybe we would all be so relaxed that we wouldn’t care!
Last night Drew and I were playing Words With Friends. I beat him at a game and he smiled and said, “I let you win to ease your anxiety.” Oh, sweet man. Sweet, delusional man. For the record, I kicked his but fair and square. I know this because Drew doesn’t have it in him to lose on purpose.
I’m not lying about my anxiety, but I think I am making a bigger deal of it than necessary. I think that I do that because putting the spot light on the issue takes away some of it’s power. Hey, anxiety, I know you are there and you aren’t the boss of me. Despite the undesirable start to yesterday morning, we actually had a pretty good day. We read books, did laundry, packed Alex’s clothes, wrote out the ‘Alex Manual’ with all her needs/feedings/medications and sent out the travel & contact info for Florida.
I do still have quite a lot to get done, but I’m getting there. 72 hours from now I will be on a plane to the Sunshine State. Can I get that Valium air freshener in a to go size?