"I should not talk so much about myself if there were any body else whom I knew as well."
-Henry David Thoreau

Wednesday, April 3, 2013


Drew left very early this morning to catch a flight to Cleveland.  He will be home Friday night.  Even when he’s only gone a few days, it’s a bummer.  I sure do like that guy and enjoy having him around.  I think I’ll keep him. 

I had a blah day yesterday.  I don’t know why, I just did.  40 something degrees and raining outside?  It was just blah kind of weather.  I’m hoping today will be better, but to be honest I’m not feeling terribly perky at the moment. 

We are working on Alex’s medications again, trying to get her as comfortable as possible.  A small increase in her Parkinson’s medication seems to have have helped some.  Dr. LePichon has been working hard to get a new medication in the rotation.  We tried a small dose of it for a month, but insurance won’t pay for it and it’s expensive.  He appealed to insurance, but we never heard anything, so he has called the manufacturer and is trying to get it for free.  I’m hoping that goes through and that a larger dose will give Alex some relief.  Selfishly, it could give me some relief, too.  When Alex is stiff, jerky and uncomfortable, it is stressful for me.  We are physically close all day long and the stress from her body wears on me.  She constantly needs to be rearranged or repositioned.  When her arms and legs fly around I feel like I am constantly playing defense.  It’s exhausting for me, so I can only imagine how exhausting it is for her.  I am so thankful that Dr. LePichon makes himself so available to us and goes above and beyond to find the best for Alex. 

As I mentioned above, spring weather is upon us.  Chilly and rainy one day, warm and sunny the next.  Right now it is drizzly and 30 something degrees.  By this weekend we are expecting temps in the 70’s with sunshine.  Back and forth, back and forth. 

Anticipation of our upcoming trip is getting to me.  I’m very much looking forward to all the new experiences and being pampered.  I’m also very much in need of a break from home and all that entails.  I haven’t been away from Alex for more than 2 days since we were in the hospital with Emma one year ago.  Heck, I haven’t been away from her for more than a couple of hours since before Christmas.  I need a break and I’m very thankful that a lovely break is on the horizon. 

Feelings like this are a great example of why exercise is so important for me now.  When my body starts reacting to stressors around me, a good workout reminds my body who is in charge.  Me.  Chest feeling tight?  Heart beating a bit too big or too quickly?  A good workout makes my body respond in appropriate ways. When I’m running and my body has to work hard, it doesn’t have time to react to other stressors in my life.  If you don’t exercise then you are missing out.  I make my body work in appropriate ways and I walk away feeling good instead of overwhelmed by other junk.  I can approach the rest of my life rationally because my body knows that I’m the boss.  Does that make sense?  To my fellow anxious friends, when you are experiencing the symptoms of anxiety, go do something.  Walk or jump around or pull weeds from the garden or play fetch with the dog… anything that will rightly get your heart rate up and make your body work.  It’s amazing how taking control of your body releases you from the physical effects of anything that may be on your mind. 

That being said, I won’t get to the gym today.  Drew is gone and Alex doesn’t have therapy today.  That means that if I’m going to kick this tightness in my chest that I will have to do it here.  Dance party in the living room?  Maybe.  A few push ups and sit ups?  Maybe.  Something?  For sure. 

Bouncing to a new topic… my hair.  I wish I could close my eyes, twitch my nose and make it grow 6-10 inches right now.  I’m itching to let it be curly and that simply cannot happen when it’s this short.  Curls like mine need some weight.  Without the weight of it’s own length, it just goes crazy and looks like Don King. 

don king

This is pretty much what I look like right now because I made the ever wise decision to sleep with my hair damp last night.  Big mistake.  There is really no way to recover without rewashing and starting over… wash, condition, blow dry, straighten.  All of that seems like an awful lot of work when it’s drizzly outside and my hair will likely frizz back up anyway.  Give me a few more months to grow and then maybe I can embrace my curls instead of fight them. 

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