"I should not talk so much about myself if there were any body else whom I knew as well."
-Henry David Thoreau

Thursday, June 20, 2013

I take it back

There was a time when I had a stomach of steel.  I could clean up or take care of the nastiest of situations without much problem.  Heck, I was recently bragging about this to my dad and grandpa.  Well, I take it back. 

No sooner than I told everyone how I could handle almost anything… Lucky has an ‘issue’.  No details, it’s too awful to put into print.  The issue was gross enough, but the way with which Grandpa dealt with it really made me want to vomit.  I’m talking about standing in the bathroom, trying to breathe deep and NOT throw up while simultaneously laughing at myself for being so absurd.  For the record, I did hold it together. 

Fast forward to 9:15 this morning.  My living room. I was sitting in the floor with Alex, giving her morning feeding & meds, when I heard the heaves.  Thanks a lot Toto, I really love a pile of dog vomit in my carpet.  I finished Alex’s feeding, trying not to make eye contact with the mess in the floor, and went straight to the kitchen.  Feeding supplies washed and put away… knowing that this clean up job was going to require as many layers as possible between my hands and the mess.  Two inverted Wal-Mart sacks lined with a wad of paper towels and I thought I was ready.  Wrong.  Here was some definite heaving and the real fear of hurling on the carpet myself.  What a wuss!  What is wrong with me?!  I used to do way worse things than this without blinking!  Um, remember the incident a couple years ago when Mac’s digestive system rejected the twistable crayon that he so wisely ate?  I handled that, so why on Earth did this make me gag? 

To wrap this nasty story up… I did clean it up, I did NOT throw up and the spot is currently covered in Woolite carpet cleaner (because it’s the best) and I’m about to scrub it clean.  The only good thing about this entire situation is that I heard Emma’s little voice in my head.  “Ew!  Toto fro up!  Ew!  Look, mama!  Toto fro up!”  Of course, those words would have been punctuated with the most wonderful giggles when I gagged.  I can just see her laughing so hard that she literally falls to the ground.  Dang, I miss that girl so much. 

I was thinking about her a lot yesterday.  I don’t ever do this, but I’m about to post a few pictures of her.  If that is hard for you then please stop reading now. 

These were from 2008 and they seem appropriate because it was the spring that we got Mac.  Sure, sometimes dogs do gross things, but 99% of the time they are absolutely priceless.  Proof…

Family Pictures 001

Family Pictures 008

Family Pictures 028

Family Pictures 038

Family Pictures 053

She sat like this with Mac for the longest time, just hanging with her buddy.  I did no posing or arranging, I just took as many pictures as my camera would allow.  Props to Mac for tolerating all this love.  No, it was more than toleration… he loved it as much as she did. 

So yes, I have a funny story about cleaning up dog vomit, but what I’m really feeling is an overwhelming lack of Emma right now.  I’m constantly surprised that it doesn’t get easier.  It’s been more than a year and we function just fine, but the ache of her absence is always there.  Always, and it hurts my heart sometimes awful. 

1 comment: