"I should not talk so much about myself if there were any body else whom I knew as well."
-Henry David Thoreau

Friday, August 16, 2013

Long Week

Drew has been in KC since Wednesday and it’s been a long week around here. 

Yesterday was an okay day for Alex, all things considered.  Today has been more difficult and I’m worn out already.  It’s so strange how Alex’s comfort can vary so much from day to day when all other things (routine, medications, etc) are the same. 

Alex’s changes have required a change in pace for me.  That means I am spending much more time sitting and holding her.  Sometimes we are comfortably snuggled, other times it is anything but comfortable and much more of a struggle to hold her body still.  I’ve pretty well set up camp on the couch with pillows for propping, a quilt for snuggling and my phone & the remote for convenience. 

In addition to sitting a lot, the physical requirements of caring for Alex have also increased.  For example…

After holding her all morning, I laid Alex in the floor about 12:15.  In a matter of 20 minutes we had an undesirable situation and I had to take her to the shower for a full body scrub.  I’ve described the shower process in the past, but it’s gotten even harder since then.  Today I actually had to use one foot to hold down her legs (gently, of course), one hand to hold the shower sprayer and one hand to soap her up & support her upper body when she wiggled.  So, there I was, standing on one leg, trying to keep her safely on her shower seat while getting her clean.  I carried her back to the living room, dried her off and dressed her.  Then I gathered the soiled laundry, scrubbed the carpet, put down a fresh blanket and laid her back down.  By this time she was 10 minutes late for milk & medication.  Before I was done giving her feeding, she was wet again.  Another change, another set of clothes.  In all honesty, I was in tears by then. 

Bless her heart.  I mean that sincerely, not in the snide way that we Southern ladies say it about people we are about to gossip about.  Seriously, bless her heart.  She can’t help it and I know this.  Once all of that was done, I asked her if she felt better after a shower.  She turned to her computer and said, “No.” 

I try very hard to be positive, not complain and have a sense of humor, but the fact is that sometimes this is really hard.  To represent these moments any differently would be dishonest. 

I best go feed myself so that I can pick Alex back up.  Do you have any idea how difficult it is to think about eating a healthy lunch right now when I’d really rather eat half a pizza and a dozen cookies?  Oh yeah, this gal could do some emotional eating right now.  I’ll have something reasonable for lunch, but I can’t promise that there won’t be some serious junk for dinner. 

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