"I should not talk so much about myself if there were any body else whom I knew as well."
-Henry David Thoreau

Thursday, August 29, 2013

That’s one way

It is a bit of a rough morning around here.  I wouldn’t even be writing right now, but I had to put Alex down.  Her body is wild and crazy this morning and, much like a fussy infant, sometimes the best thing I can do is lay her down and walk away for a moment.  That is a much better option than getting frustrated over something that neither of you can change anyway. 

In the process of stripping Alex’s wet clothes this morning, I got kicked in the face.  She didn’t mean to, of course, but that doesn’t take the extreme frustration from the situation.  Not how I like to start my day, with a literal kick in the face. 

After her morning feeding and medications, I sat and held her for as long as I could.  Her body is just wild and uncontrolled this morning and no amount of firm hugs or rearranging of positions helped. 

Like I said, it sometimes reminds me of when Alex was an infant.  She was so very fussy and often difficult to care for.  There were a handful of times that, after hours of crying and frustration, that I laid her in her crib and walked away for a few minutes.  I just HAD to get the sound of her screaming out of my head long enough to find a sliver of my composure.  It’s similar here.  Sometimes I just need to lay her down for a few minutes so that my body & mind can take a deep breath.  The added benefit is that when I would walk back to my screaming baby, she was happy to see me and I could comfort her again.  I’m hoping that when I pick Alex up again in a few minutes that her body will be grateful when I hold her still… that she will find some relief in my embrace. 

You know, this is the second infant reference that I’ve made in the last week.  The first was with Drew this weekend, when I realized that our current life feels a bit like when our girls were babies.  In all honesty, it was rough.  I’ve shared quite openly in the past about how I was never very good at balancing the wife and new mom roles.  I did then, and I’m doing it again now… hyper focus on the child.  I’m relearning that lesson now, as I care for my 10 year old.  What’s the lesson?  My husband wants to help, but he can’t read my mind.  Communication is important. 

Oh, there are plenty more lessons, but if I knew them all then our relationship would be perfect.  How boring would that be?  Ha ha. 

One difference between now and 10 years ago?  Oh, about 40 pounds!  Yep, I felt like Alex was looking at bit more plump than she was just a few weeks ago (before I increased her daily feedings/calories).  I pulled out the scales yesterday, weighed myself alone and then holding her, and she weighs… 47 pounds!  I can’t say exactly how much weight she has gained, since I’m not sure of the last time that I weighed her on our home scales, but I know that she has never weighed more than 42 pounds.  Ever.  At the doctor’s office or at home.  No wonder that girl feels so heavy! 

All of these things said, Alex is an excellent sport.  Sometimes we get frustrated with each other, but it never lasts long and she very rarely cops and attitude with me.  I am very grateful for her patience and tolerance… she often has enough to make up for my frequent lacking. 

Enough of a break… I’m going to pick up my girl and try to find a comfortable arrangement for both of us on the couch. 

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