How to send Mandy into a manic, disinfecting, scrubbing, sanitizing, cleaning rage:
Step 1: Drew kills a doe just before sunset on Saturday evening. The butcher is closed, leaving Drew to do the job himself.
Step 2: Drew field dresses said doe and prepares to bring home tons of meat to be cut and packaged for the freezer.
Step 3: Mandy cleans sink and surrounding counter tops, moving anything that might be splattered or touched during the butchering process.
Step 4: Drew starts cutting up the meat, calling in Mandy periodically to label and help package the meat.
Step 5: Drew’s back is freaking out after 2 hours of cutting with a less than sharp knife and then sends Mandy to Wal-Mart at 9:45pm for a cooler, ice and knife sharpener. Return home to pack the remaining meat on ice to be cut and packaged the next day.
Step 6: Drew picks back up with the butchering process at 11:45am Sunday, calling in Mandy periodically to help weigh, label and package the meat.
Step 7: Drew FINALLY finishes the job at 3pm, leaving us with tenderloin, back strap and 20+ pounds of cut strips for jerky.
Step 8: Mandy makes a deal to clean the kitchen herself as long as all the bones and trimmings are bagged and put in the outside trash can.
Step 9: Drew take his truck to the car wash to clean up while Mandy proceeds with the manic clean up.
1. Wipe down everything with a paper towel.
2. Fill sink with bleach & water solution to soak all utensils and bowls that were involved.
3. Carry cooler to the front yard, drain, rinse in bleach & water solution, leave to soak.
4. Use Lysol kitchen cleaner to wipe down sink and counter tops.
5. Use SOS pad to scrub sink and counter tops.
6. Use paper towel to wipe up SOS pad suds and mess.
7. Use anti-bacterial wipes to give everything one last cleaning.
8. Drain bleach & water, wash utensils & bowls as normal.
9. Wipe everything down with antibacterial wipe one more time, just to be sure.
10. Back to the front yard, rinse cooler, scrub with SOS pad, rinse again, carry to garage to dry.
11. Come back inside, consider what mess may have been dripped on the floor, wind up on hands & knees wiping kitchen floor.
This is where we give thanks to God.
1. Thanks be to God that the freezer is full of meat and there will be jerky in the making tomorrow.
2. Thanks be to God that I was planted in Arkansas, where deer hunting is a once a year thing, and not on an Alaskan homestead where hunting is a year round necessity for survival.
3. Thanks be to God for running water, bleach, SOS pads, disinfectant cleaner and antibacterial wipes… I could have let Drew clean the kitchen, but chances are I would have needed a valium to ward off a panic attack. Cleaning products are much cheaper and more effective.
4. Thanks be to God for the elliptical in the office, because I’m about to hop on that baby and have a heck of a workout. I’m not having a panic attack, but when I feel anxious over stupid stuff like this, getting my heart rate up for a good reason really calms my entire body and mind.
Okay, proceed to shake your head and roll your eyes at the unbelievable crazy that is Mandy. It’s okay. Even I think it’s crazy.