"I should not talk so much about myself if there were any body else whom I knew as well."
-Henry David Thoreau

Thursday, January 9, 2014


The funeral on Tuesday was lovely.  It was exhausting and overwhelming at times, but Drew & I were so touched by everyone who came to be with us.  It seems like every time I looked up there was someone else who I hadn’t expected to see.  Even more than that, when Drew and I looked at the guest book yesterday we found many names of people who we had no idea had been there. 

The congregation on Tuesday was a sea of purple.  Alex looked beautiful, as for as these things go.  Pastor Dixon did a lovely job with the service and his wife Judy read “Just In Case You Ever Wonder” by Max Lucado.  Drew and I cried, of course, but there were no massive meltdowns.  Again, I think that the process of Alex dying allowed us to grieve gradually and have more peace. 

I guess I don’t really care to elaborate any more, because the words aren’t coming to me.  I will just say how loved we felt by all those present and all those unable to be with us who sent kind words and prayers. 

After the visitation, funeral, burial and lunch with family, Drew and I came home and crashed.  We both plopped down on the couch and didn’t wake up until 6pm.  We only managed to stay awake a couple of hours after that before calling it a day and going to bed. 

Yesterday was a bit strange, with a new level of finality to things.  There were no longer things that HAD to be dealt with and we found ourselves with time on our hands and nothing to fill it.  My brain has been stirring, trying to find a familiar way to describe this very unfamiliar situation.  My best analogy would be this… moving from high school sweetheart to college, or maybe even from engaged to married.  In each of those scenarios Drew and I found ourselves with more freedom together than we were accustomed to.  The difference now is that we have 17 years of Mandy & Drew under our belt to go on.  We really are doing well together and enjoying the time we have together now, but I know that we will continually be learning this new life.  Drew goes back to work on Monday and that will be yet another step we have to take.  I’m not afraid of that, really.  It will be strange, but I’m not afraid of being alone.  It might actually be therapeutic for both of us, since Drew tends to deal with stress by staying busy and I tend to deal with it by slowing down and needing alone time.

I did pack up a bunch of Pediasure yesterday to ship to a family in Minnesota that I found on a Facebook page for special needs kiddos.  Their daughter’s insurance doesn’t cover the full amount she needs each month and they find themselves continually needing to purchase more.  The mom intended to use PayPal to pay for shipping costs, but I denied that.  I used the leftover fund in HLT and the gifts of a few of you from the funeral to pay for that shipping (Pediasure is heavy!).  I’m absolutely happy to help this family in this way.  I feel certain that this family will bless someone else in this way when they are able.  I still have more than 10 flats of Vanilla Pediasure (with fiber) to give away, as well as Alex’s bath chair and computer.  I know that we will encounter a family that needs these items and when that happens I will feel grateful for our ability to pass them on.  (It just so happens that I have a pretty awesome network of therapy friends who will likely be able to facilitate this.) 

Today will likely be spent around the house and hopefully Drew can find a project to occupy & benefit from his energy! 

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hello. I found your blog through Kelly Stamps blog and have read through your archives. I am terribly sorry for all you have gone through and losing your two beautiful daughters.You are true inspiration and I am so glad to see you still blogging. I wish nothing but the best for your family in 2014. I am sure it will be filled with healing and love.
Lori (El Paso TX)