I didn’t realize until now that I never hit publish on this post from yesterday. Oops.
I’m missing my girls a lot lately. Last night I had a dream about Alex. I was standing at a distance and watching her with a group of children, as if they were doing a program or something. Yesterday I had wondered to myself (and God) if Alex’s hair was still short, if it was long how she preferred it or if those things didn’t matter in heaven. In my dream last night her hair was long again, about shoulder length. She was wearing a sparkly crown on her head, a light purple shirt and blue jeans. Here’s the best part… she was dancing and walking. I watched in wonder as I watched her body move with such grace and joy and her face beamed with a smile. I wanted so badly to reach out and hold her, but I couldn’t. It wasn’t a bad dream, really, it was just bitter sweet.
I’m going to Bible study at the church this morning, but putting off getting myself dressed and ready. As I’m sitting here typing there are Valentine’s commercials playing one after another on the television. Drew says he loves me even more because I think Valentine’s day is sort of dumb. Most years the issue of buying each other gifts has been moot, since our budget didn’t allow for much. Last year I told him, again, to please not spend money on anything. Apparently I made a comment at some point that led him to believe that I didn’t really mean that, so he sent flowers. They were beautiful, no doubt, but all I could think was how we could have paid a bill with that money. This year we have made it clear to each other that we aren’t doing Valentine’s at all. Here’s the thing… I’m not a love scrooge, I just think it’s silly to do such things simply because the calendar says February 14th. It’s almost like a contest of who gets the most beautiful flowers or jewelry. Or where you go on a date. Or what new outfit you bought to wear. It’s simply WAY too much expectation on the part of women and WAY too much pressure for men. Those who don’t receive flowers or the like start feeling left out at the sight of everyone else’s goodies. That’s just silly. As for myself, I would much rather have Drew skip the over priced hype of Valentine’s Day and make sweet gestures in other ways throughout the year. If Valentine’s Day does it for you, then have at it and enjoy. Drew & I will not be supporting the floral frenzy or jewelry industry and we will not be waiting an hour for a table at a restaurant.