Tomorrow is the funeral and I’m not looking forward to it. In all honesty, I don’t feel the need for it. I know it is expected and that many of the people who loved Alex need it for closure, but I’m not one of them. When Emma died I felt the same way. When we got to the church before the visitation and I saw her, I completely lost it. I went all out crazy woman… yelling and crying. Here’s hoping I don’t give a repeat performance, but if I do then I’ll deal with it and move on. Alex will look more like herself than Emma did, and that should help. Maybe. I don’t know. Can anything really help such a situation? Probably not. Regardless, I’ll be glad when the funeral/burial part is over.
Last night I had my first moment… moment where I nearly forgot that Alex wasn’t in bed sleeping. Drew and I had just watched a movie and I got up to go to the bathroom. We were still talking and I laughed really loud, then quickly hushed myself so I wouldn’t wake Alex. I realized it as soon as I did it and let myself feel that bit of sorrow for a moment that is sure to repeat itself in many ways in the future.
This morning I’ve been making phone calls to the necessary people. Insurance, medical supplies, etc. I can’t get through to insurance (surprise, surprise) and when I called medical supply they already knew. Apparently I called them last week. As composed as I feel, I have no recollection of calling them to cancel future shipments.
Since I’m on a roll of not remembering things, let me address funeral/burial plot stuff. I don’t know if I’ve done this or not, so I’m going to do it again for those who are curious. We paid for Alex’s plot when Emma died, to make sure that they would be side by side. Drew and I have two plots beside them reserved for ourselves, but it’s not necessary to pay for them right now. As for funeral stuff, we took care of 90% of that several years ago… thanks to some dear friends who shared our situation with a funeral director who made a very generous offer. You see, if an adult purchases a funeral plan, then any children under the age of 18 who pass are covered under the same plan. Of course, there is a clause that states that if there are pre-existing conditions that cause that death then the child coverage is void. This particular funeral director, upon learning of our girls’ diagnosis, marked out the pre-existing clause so that our girls would be covered regardless. So, several years ago Drew and I went to the funeral home and purchased a plan for me. Every month for the last few years we have paid about $150 towards my plan. Because we have stayed current with that payment plan, my plan is active and the girls were both covered with the same plan as we purchased for myself. That has been a tremendous blessing… like a $10,000 blessing for each girl. After everything that the plan covers, Drew and I have only been left with the cost of taxes, opening/closing the plot and newspaper obituaries. That has come to just under $1000 for each girl. That is still an expense, but MUCH more doable than the full cost of a funeral (or two, in our case).
Now, I know that is a lot of detail to share on our blog, but I share it for those who are curious but too afraid to ask. I’m just reassuring you all that we don’t have to sell all of our possessions (plus some) to pay for all this. Knowing that all of this had been pre-planned is/was such a comfort and blessing to us.
Well, now that I’ve shared info so sobering, I’m let without anything light to leave you with. I guess that’s okay. This is quite a sober situation. Much love to you all and for everyone traveling to be with us tomorrow, PLEASE be careful as the weather and roads are iffy in our area and across so much of the country right now.