"I should not talk so much about myself if there were any body else whom I knew as well."
-Henry David Thoreau

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Chilly

We are having quite unseasonably cool temperatures this week.  It’s chilly and overcast, so I think today will be an inside, quilting kind of day. 

Yesterday I ran a few errands and hit up the library.  I went for gardening books, but lucked out in the used books section and found 1,000 Places To See in the US & Canada Before You Die for $1.  I’ve already had tons of fun going through the sections on the states near us and making notes on what I’d love to do.  Quite a few of these places could be weekend or long weekend trips for us.  There is still much of the book to explore and Drew and I are excited for all the ideas for adventures together. 

I didn’t find any gardening books in the used books for sale, but I did find the perfect book to check out.  Gardening For Dummies.  They may as well have named the book Dear Mandy.  I’m reading and taking notes like it’s for a college class.  The test, of course, will be if I can keep any plants alive this year! 

Speaking of gardening… I’ve given up on long & pretty finger nails.  It’s hard to dig in the dirt with long nails.  Wearing gloves keeps them clean, but I couldn’t get down and dirty like I wanted.  Also, I couldn’t play my guitar at all.  Quilting was difficult, too.  So, I bid farewell to long pretty finger nails and I have my Mandy fingers back.  They suit me well. 

I mentioned this a little bit around Easter, but I’ve been thinking on it more… I don’t want to go to church.  My reasons for Easter Sunday are pretty much true for every other Sunday.  Families, children, etc.  The families and children in general aren’t really the thing, it’s these specific families and children.  Drew & I raised our girls in that church, with those families and children.  We have some amazing friends there who would and have done anything for us.  We would do the same for them.  Now it’s difficult to be in that environment without our girls.  Everything there is a reminder that our family is half the size.  Does that make sense?  Not wanting to go to church right now is not a God thing.  I’m good with God.  Drew and I are just figuring out this new life.  There are exciting new things.  There are comforting old things.  Then there are the things in the middle, the old things that are strangely new and uncomfortable.  Those things will take some adjusting to.  We jumped right back in after Alex died and I’m glad we did.  It was part of figuring things out.  There’s no way of figuring things out without trying.  We are still figuring things out and we will continue to.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying we’ve given up on church.  I’m just saying that I’m not ready right now.  I guess I’m saying this for two reasons.  One, for my own benefit.  Two, for my church family who loves us.  Perhaps this is just a way of asking you all to be patient with us.  Thank you for noticing when we aren’t there and for keeping us as part of your family.  Thank you for being patient and understanding when we just need time to figure out this strange new life. 

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