"I should not talk so much about myself if there were any body else whom I knew as well."
-Henry David Thoreau

Monday, March 30, 2015

FAIL

I gave it a try, but I think we just have to call the privatizing of the blog a fail.  There have been a string of problems for you all, so I'm just making the decision to change things back to the way they were.  You can read.  Your momma can read.  Heck, your dogs can read it if they really want to.  I will use my own judgment in deciding what to share, which is something that I should simply do anyway.  
I'll also try to do better about updating more regularly.  
Tomorrow morning I will attend the regular OB appointment with Birth Mom.  She will be 24 weeks and 6 days pregnant tomorrow.  That means we have 15 weeks and a day until Ellie's due date!  I look forward to hearing her heart beat and getting a dose of baby.  I need to be close to my baby, if just for a short while every few weeks.   
I recently tried to explain to Drew how different this is for me, as compared to being pregnant with and expecting Alex & Emma.  It's strange because I have a place in my heart that already belongs to Ellie and we are preparing our life and our home to welcome her, but I do not have the physical reminders of her in my life right now.  I can't feel her move inside of me.  My body isn't changing.  I go weeks at a time without even being in the same room as this baby.   Ellie has never heard the beat of my heart. There is a physical gap and that is so different than when we were expecting Alex & Emma.  As I was trying to put these feelings into words and make sense of them, Drew listened quietly.  I asked him if it felt different to him.  

Drew: No, not really.  It feels like we are expecting our daugther.  It's not any different for me than it was with Alex & Emma.  
Me: (taken aback by his sincerity and sweetness) 
Drew: Wait, I take that back.  It's totally different because you aren't crazy.

Laughter.  Lots of laughter.  He's completely correct.  I was slightly (but totally) crazy under the influence of pregnancy hormones.  Drew must be thinking that this is the best of both worlds... we are having a baby and he doesn't have to navigate the unpredictable landscape of pregnant Mandy!  

1 comment:

Nicole said...

I've never commented before, I've been reading your blog for a really long time, I was so super sad when you went private, I'm not a slalker lol, I just wanted you to know in this ridiculous run-on sentence that I'm glad your back. I can't wait to follow along in this new baby/baby momma journey. Good luck to your family :)