"I should not talk so much about myself if there were any body else whom I knew as well."
-Henry David Thoreau

Monday, November 23, 2015

Smile

She just makes me smile. I mean, how could you not smile back at this? 
We are waiting until Saturday to put up the main Chrismtas decorations, but we did go ahead and put up the little tree in the playroom with Alex & Emma's pink & purple decor. I thought it might make me happy, but it's not. I'm even flirting with the idea of taking all of the pink & purple down immediately. Christmas has changed a lot for us  in the last few years, beginning in 2012 when we had our first Christmas without Emma. Then last year was our first Christmas without either of our girls and we tried our very best to reinvent what holiday tradition would mean for us. Mostly, that meant boycotting the traditions that we associated with our time as a family of 4.  Drew & I booked a week long vacation to Mexico and looked forward to claiming a palm tree as our Christmas tree. Then my dad took a turn for the worse, spent a few days in the hospital and then a couple weeks in a rehab facility. We felt like he was stable and so, at everyone's encouragement, we decided to keep our vacation plans. 18 hours after we arrived in Playa del Carmen, on December 21st, I got word that Dad had died. We came back home and instead of making new holiday memories, we made funeral plans. It was the most un-Christmasy Christmas ever. It sucked. This year we are in a new house and have a new daughter and we want to start fresh. I want to be excited for Christmas traditions this year, but I'm not quite there. I'm trying and it's worth noting that I'm already closer than I thought I might be. Even if Christmas songs on the radio make my face snarl in disapproval, this face makes my heart smile...